Renewed Hope

Well folks, we were not successful last month, but we have renewed hope this month. Nothing but good news. I have started Clomid, or the generic version of it, and will take my last dose tomorrow night. This is to help me ovulate and will have a 1% chance of twins. Honestly, we'll be ok with anything the Lord trusts to us.

Some ask me how far we will go to get pregnant, and I think this is it. I imagine adoption is an option after some time. In the future, I would not hesitate to adopt, even if we do succeed in getting pregnant. When I created this blog with the addy "babymully," Jason was unsure since we don't have a son or daughter yet. But I say we do. Somewhere, sometime, we have a son and we have a daughter. The addy for this blog is just perfect. He agrees because he knows what's good for him... ;-) just kidding.

Lately, I've been reading Angie Smith's book, I Will Carry You. It is incredible and I encourage any mother, father, or pending parents who have struggled with pregnancy loss to read it through cover to cover. It was written by Angie and there is one chapter at the end where her husband, Todd Smith (from the group Selah), contributed.

From scripture, reading this book, and from constant prayer, the Lord has renewed my hope. After losing our first, it took a long time before I was able to think about trying to get pregnant. Even when we did start trying, it was just a let down at the end of each month. I felt like a big fat failure who was unworthy of her husband. As a result, I gained weight and lost hope. I told Jace that he would have enough hope for both of us and that I didn't want to think about it anymore.

I was not sure if the Lord was going to put a child in my womb or not. I still have moments where I struggle with having faith He will. Despite this, as Angie Smith puts it, I have 2 choices, fear or trust. I can fear the outcome of each month, or I can trust in Him, the One who knew me before I was even formed in the womb.

These long months Christ has asked me to be brave, be patient and wait on the Lord. I continue to do so and pray that whatever you are in the midst of, please remember that the Lord is faithful.

Press into Him.